Phases
by Q. San's Girl
Summary: Ali is pregnant with Emily's child. Emily is in love and happy with Paige. But Ali never told Emily the truth. Ali feels like her life has been a rollercoaster ride, all she wants is happiness, but does she really think she deserves a happy ending. Loosely based on the song Phases by Majid Jordan (#EmisonIsEndgame) Story from Ali's POV
1. Chapter 1

Phases

I sit at my desk with a stack of ungraded papers in front of me. I can't even begin to focus. This is my life. All of the lies from my childhood put behind me and still so much drama. When I asked the girls to come back I never expected any of this to happen. I wonder when my friends will start to hate me, start to regret coming to my rescue and testifying to let Charlotte lead a normal life. Hanna is seconds away from a complete nervous breakdown, her career in shambles. Spencer got shot and found out her family secrets were so much deeper than she thought, now she's not just Jason's half sister but my cousin and we know nothing of what Mary is truly capable of. Aria has something going on but it's been really hard to read her, I'm sure it's just everything between her and Ezra plus the stress of AD. And Emily, my Emily. I can't even begin to wrap my head around what's going on in that beautiful mind of hers. I can hear her say "AD stopped playing games and started playing God" on repeat. All of this haunts me, taunts me. I touch my stomach, and with a silent promise I make to myself and my child, Emily's child, our child everything will be okay.

I'm walking to my car when I hear a familiar voice call out "Hey Ali, do you mind if we talk a minute?" Although I really would prefer not to stop and talk especially after I caught her snooping through my things and I'm positive she seen my paperwork for my appointment to terminate my pregnancy, I stop to hear whatever it is she has to say. I'm uneasy around her, although I've never been afraid of Paige I will never trust her or her intentions with Emily, but I'm sure she and others will go to their graves thinking the same of me. "Ali, I just wanted to apologize for looking through your things. Emily was being very secretive about what was going on between you two and we are giving us another shot, I just was concerned and I saw the top of the paper and it all began to make sense."

"Congratulations, Emily didn't tell me about you and her, but I figured it would happen. And as far as things between Emily and I, she's always been the one who believed in me when no one else did. She's been my protector, my comforter, and my best friend for so long now the way we act is normal to us but I can see why it would cause issues with outside parties specifically significant others. The truth is your relationship with Em has been the most constant out of all of our romantic dealings, you guys made a life together and stuck to it until her dad died& you went off to Stanford. Hanna & Caleb are back together, Spencer is Spencer, Aria and Ezra are soulmates, and the only real relationship I ever had was with a fraud." I leaned against my car trying to read the emotions across her face, "I'm saying you won Paige. You win. You were always better than me at loving Emily and I can't take that away from you."

"Ali…" I got in my car as I felt tears run down my cheeks not really caring what she has to say, God forbid it be sweet. What I said was the truth, she was better at taking care of Emily than I could be. I start my car and look up to see Paige walking back to the gym being greeted by Emily with a dull smile and my heart breaks just a little more. Instead of going home I meet up with Aria at The Brew to talk, or better yet listen to her apologize over and over again. I'm not sure if it's the overwhelming circumstances of being pregnant by the love of my life who doesn't know I have such strong feelings about her, being pregnant and general, or the games being played by AD but I have no more will power and my resilience is fading. I forgive Aria because I know all of our lives have been a train wreck and I blame myself, even if they never admit it the girls blame me too. Aria got a call from Ezra and has to leave but before she does. She reminds me if I need anything to just call her and with her soft, concerned eyes then gave me the biggest Aria hug she could muster. I stayed behind and finished grading my papers. Home is no longer home, it feels like a foreign place, unless Em is there. But I'm sure she'll be at Lucas' since Hanna is losing her mind with Caleb out of town this week or with Paige since they newly rekindled their flame. I finally finish my paperwork right when I realized I was the last person in The Brew and it was about to be closing time. As I dive through the streets of these place called home, I'd never felt like such a stranger. Even when I came back from the dead the girls were there with open arms.

I pull in the driveway, grab my bag, and lock my car behind me. As I grab my keys I notice the lights are on. I didn't leave them on before I left. In a panic I grab my phone just to realize it's dead. Maybe it's Jason, maybe it's Mary, or maybe I'm walking into a death trap. Regardless the stress is all too much for the baby so I try to keep calm. I open the door slowly, hearing Jazz music and catching a whift of something amazing. I creep into the kitchen after closing the door and locking it as quietly as possible. I know at this point unless AD wants to wine and dine me I'm safe, hopefully. I walk in to see Emily plating Italian takeout from my favorite place. "Jesus Ali make a noise or something!" She turns a little red from being caught off guard.

"First of all, I thought you were AD because I didn't know you were here. Your car isn't the driveway, you didn't tell me you were stopping by when we saw each other at lunch."

"Let me stop you there. I texted you and told you I wanted to talk tonight. I just thought that dinner would be nice. When you didn't reply back I texted everyone and Aria said she was just with you. So I just assumed you were at The Brew clearing your mind, grading papers, something." The way she looks at me drives me crazy and sometimes I think she can tell that I'm in love with her. "Also Hanna has my car. She dropped me off and I might have went behind your back and made a copy of the key because I worry about you and the baby."

I sit quietly at the dinner table as I listen to her talk about her day. She mentions Paige turning down a job and I can't help but think that Paige is staying not just because she loves Emily but because she knows Em would never want me now, pregnant with some randos baby, even though the dynamics have changed since we found out it's her baby too. But a baby won't change things. I'm no good for her and she deserves to be happy. I still very much want to terminate the pregnancy because this is just messy. I didn't want a kid by a stranger, now that I know it's Emily's and someone else's it doesn't change the fact that this is not Em's responsibility. She didn't choice to have a child and definitely not with me. It would be different if I could own up to my feelings to her, or if she wasn't love with Paige. But this is my reality. "Ali, are you okay?" She touches my hand and it brings me back to reality.

"Um yeah. Just tired. I think I'm just gonna shower and go to bed." I stand up from the table looking down on my half eaten plate. "Thanks Em, dinner was great." I walk around the table to hug her. She wraps her arms around me and for the first time since I've walked into my house I feel like I'm home. "If you're staying you know where everything is and I can wake up early and so you can stop by your place & get dressed. Or if not just lock up and I'll see you tomorrow." She pulled back and mumbled something about crashing here and I told her to just wake me up in the morning. I went straight to the shower just needing to gather my thoughts. I know Emily, she's probably cleaning the kitchen. I take long, hot shower before wrapping myself in a towel and walking to my room. The guest shower is running and Emily actually has clothes here since the last few times she's stayed. I dry off, grab an oversized shirt, throw it on, and crawl in bed. I could sleep a million years, my body and mind are so exhausted. I begin to doze of when I hear light footsteps at my doorway.

"Ali, are you asleep?" she asks shakily. My breath catches and my mind drift back to the night so many years ago. The one thing no one other than us know. The night my world was turned upside down. The way she kissed me, how unrushed her hands were, how enjoyable it all was, how intense and loving it was. Then I'm ripped out of thoughts by her sitting on the edge of my bed, her hand begins to play in my hair, and I involuntarily sigh. I feel her pull the sheets back and lay besides me. She cradles me so close I feel her breath on my neck, then she places her arm around me. I stop for a minutes to think. She's with Paige, she wants to be, and I know they are so I should respect that. I turn in her arms to face her. We're so close our noses rub, I pull back and clear my throat. Her eyes search mine like they always have. I want to kiss her, just cup her face and tell her that absolutely no one has ever made me feel the way she does. That she is the greatest love I've ever experienced and I want to experience everything with her. A real relationship, a life, raising this child, marriage if she can tolerate me. But instead I wait for her to say something, to do something… anything.


	2. Chapter 2

Emily's eyes moved from my eyes to my lips then back up to my eyes. "Ali, what are we gonna do? About the baby." I gasped, in this moment that's not what I thought she was going to say. I had to think for a second I didn't want to stumble through this conversation, it is important to me and to her.

"I really don't know. I've thought every possibility through. At first I couldn't bring myself to have a strangers baby. What if the baby came out looking just like Archer or even acted like him. Hell what if he's not even the father and I never know who is?! But everything changed when I found out the baby I'm carrying is part of you. I… I don't know. I know you didn't sign up to raise a kid with me, and with everything happening with Paige that this would be the worst time for this to happen. And selfishly I kind of want to keep the baby because no matter where I go and what happens I'll always have a part of you. And maybe finally I can do something right. I haven't been the best person Em. I've failed in ever relationship I've ever had. I've hurt my family, friends, and even you. I just want to give this baby a chance I never had. But I'd never expect or force you to step in and play house. And I know you will because you're strong, and sweet. And you've always been here to take care of me. This isn't just my choice any more it's yours too." I look at her and her brow is scrunched which means she's thinking too hard.

"Allison, no matter what happens I'll be here for you. If we decide to do this, I'm sure Paige will walk away and it's a risk I'll have to take. And at the end of the day we can co-parent and both of us will be able to find love with people who will understand." I scoff at thought and her eyes lock into mine. "What? What is it?"

"Emily Fields you are not going to give up your one true love to have a child with me..." Before I could even finish she cut me off.

"Really Ali? After all that we've been through this is what you think? You really think that Paige is my one true love? I sat around everyday I thought you were dead praying it wasn't true. The week you came back I was so happy inside. No matter who I've been with and how much love I've had for them no one compares to you. And when you showed back up in Rosewood I thought that maybe we could've finally had a chance to see if we could be more than friends. It didn't work out and since I've watched you get married, and I've dated a few women. To me you've always been the love of my life but you've made it painfully clear that you don't feel the same too many times for me to put myself in that situation again. You kissed me because you were hurting, I kissed you because kissing you makes my world stop even after all these years." She sits up, and I can tell that she is aggravated. I sit up beside her and although I should tell her exactly how I feel I can't. I don't even know if she would believe me if I did. I put my hand in hers and our fingers intertwine.

"I just want you to be happy. And this is clearly something we'll have to talk about more. And you'll have to talk to Paige, who knows she may surprise you. I don't think she feels like I'm a threat any more anyway. She knows I'm pregnant just not with your child and we talked and I told her that she won, that she loves you better than I ever could." She ripped her hand from mine, and stood up.

"How would you know you've never really tired to love me?!" She walked into the living room. I knew that tone, she was upset and hurt, and confused. So I just laid down and silently cried. If she only understood that I feel like a black cloud on everyone's life and I don't want to ruin what we have. It's not perfect but it's something. I'm the same girl who held her while she wept about her dad dying because it had been a whole week and she hadn't shown emotions trying to be strong for her mom. I'm the only one who knew she was hiding things when she first came back to Rosewood. The one who offered to be there during her surgery to get her eggs removed. And in turn she's that for me, been here no matter what. And out of all of our friendships our bond is the strongest. We are all best friends, don't get me wrong but we know each person has a different dynamic and there are pairs. Spencer and Aria, Emily and Han, Emily and I, Han and Aria, and Aria and I. It doesn't take away from the fact that together we are unbreakable but it's always been unspoken that some of us are closer than others. Emily is loyal and caring, no one matches her kindness. I try to turn my mind off but the only good thing I can think about even hurts now. Emily is laying on my couch feeling lost and I can't bring myself to tell her the truth, to tell her that I love her the way she loves me. Another hour goes by and I begin to doze off. I feel Emily's arm back around me and I instantly fall asleep.

I wake up to my phone buzzing. I hop up realizing I didn't set an alarm. I look at the missed calls from school and the missed messages from Han, then the time. It's a little after noon. I move Em's arm and get up but of course she wakes up. "What's wrong? How are you feeling?" she asks sleepily but a heavy concern in her voice. I flash her a slight smile.

"We overslept, it's like noon and I have to call work and Hanna." I look at my phone.

"Shit!" she hops up "There was a swim meet across town that the team was supposed to attend. Fuck!" I laugh as I wait on Principal Hackett to answer. Em is so cute and frazzled. She rarely uses any curse words so it's serious when she does unlike Han & Spence who have no filter.

"Hi. Yes. This is Alison. No, no everything is fine. I just wasn't feeling well last night and I must have forgot to set my alarm. No. No. She is. Okay, of course I'll let her know. Yes. Okay, thank you and I'm sorry for the inconvenience." I hung up the phone. That went better than I expected. Even without knowing about the baby people have been a little more lenient with me because of Charlotte passing and my husband being a fraud. I walk into the living room where Em is on the phone talking to Paige.

"I know. I understand but…" oh no there goes her brow scrunch again. "I get it Paige. Alright fine. I'll see you when you get back then." She sits beside me on the couch an throws her head on the back of the couch.

"Well I'll assume that Principal Hackett was nicer than Paige. He said he understood with everything that has been going on and after first period they called in a sub, so not to stress and enjoy my day." She lifted her head up.

"Yes way better. Paige is at the swim meet they won't be back until around four and she's upset that I'm with you. I guess today would be the perfect time to tell her that we're pregnant!" I raise my eyebrow and laugh as she stares at me confused. "Fine Ali laugh at my pain." I laugh even harder.

"I'm not laugh because you have to deal with a bitchy Paige I've seen it first hand and it's not fun. I'm laughing because you said we are pregnant. Because ya know the last time I checked Em I'm the one housing this kid." I look at her to see if I lightened the mood. She smiled and I knew it helped.

"Okay fine. But I have to deal with the mood swings, and the cravings. Pickles at three in the morning." My eyes light up as I listen to her talk. I put rest my hand on her arm.

"Mmm pickles!" We both laugh as she rests her head on the back of the couch again. We sit there in a comfortable silence. Until my stomach starts to growl.

"So since we have the day off why don't we go grab some brunch?" She suggests, and I couldn't more pleased. I nod my head in agreeance and stand up.

"Yes please. I'm gonna go get changed and call Hanna. I'm sure she's worried sick." I go into my room and put Han on speaker phone while I wait on her to answer and pick out an outfit.

"Please tell me you & Em are okay because I've been worried sick about you." I could hear the seriousness in her voice.

"We're fine. We had a late night and ended up oversleeping." I decided on a sundress an a jacket because it's be been little chilly lately.

"Ooh! So was that a tired from hot sex or tired from talking about our feelings kind of overslept?" Only Hanna would ask that. I laugh.

"We talked." I said drily not really wanting to get into too much detail.

"Please tell me you finally told her you are madly in love with her, and you're beyond happy to be her baby mama even under these fucked up circumstances?!" I laughed again completely forgetting that Hanna was on speakerphone and that Emily was in the same quiet house that I was.

"Bye Han. Don't worry about returning the car, I've got Em for the day." I said turning around and locking eyes with Emily.

"I'm sure you do. Don't do anything I would do bitch." And with that Han an hung up. Emily had thrown on a pair of jeans, a T-shirt, an her Sharks jacket. I questioned how much of that she actually heard if not all but I wasn't gonna ask.

"I'm ready whenever you are, I'll be in the living room. No need to rush." She combs her fingers through her hair and moves it to one side, which I've always found so damn sexy and walks away. While I'm getting dressed all I can think is what if this is what loving Emily Fields is like. Sleeping in, bunch, calm in the middle of the craziest storms. Spencer had that with Toby, Aria with Ezra, Hanna with Caleb, but I've never had that with anybody just moments with Em. Was it possible to turn our moments into something continuous. I finish getting dressed, give myself a one over in the mirror before going to grab my keys.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

About a month went by since Em and I had actually spent time together alone. Of course the nonstop stress of AD down our backs, finally that coming to an end when we found out it was Lucas the entire time plus our busy lives were a factor but I also know that Paige left yesterday. I'll assume the news of me being pregnant with Emily's baby was all too much especially since we decided to keep the baby. Try explaining that to someone you were dating. We were all suppose to meet up for dinner tonight at my place. Spencer is staying for awhile to figure things out between her family, and Toby. Hanna is moving back to NY with Caleb but promises to visit and be present for the baby shower and the birth of our child. Aria and Ezra just got married and are thinking about staying as well this always seems like home to them and the most comfortable and obvious place to write best sellers. I do a little shopping after I get off work. Han is bringing wine, Aria is bringing cupcakes, Spence is cooking, and I am sitting on my butt because they refuse to let me do anything, I'm sure Emily will do the cleaning. I pull up to my house and Emily is already there. I grab the few bags and go inside. "Honey I'm home!" I scream out as I look around but don't see her. I put the bags down as a sense of panic runs through my body. This is what dealing with a monster that turned your entire life upside does to you, it instills worry even when normal things happen. I walk through my seemingly empty house when I hear noises coming from my guest bedroom. I lean on the doorframe at the sight. Emily putting together a crib. We decided this would be the baby's room, and cleared it of all furniture a few weeks ago with help of all of the girls Ezra, and Caleb.

"My hero! No way in hell I would've been able to get back up if I got down there." I looked around the room that also had a rocking chair in the corner and what seemed to be a large box with a changing table. I go to sit in the rocking chair.

"Well I may need your help getting up, so don't get to comfortable." She joked around and we fell into our own comfort zone. We talked about work, about the doctor's appointment next week, and Paige. Although she didn't say much I knew she was hurting and for that I was hurt. She finished putting the crib together which was a beautiful dark wood which could be for a boy or a girl and as soon as we made our way to the kitchen there were knocks at the door. No doubt one of them was Spencer and the other Hanna being impatient. Emily laughed her way to the door as I begin to prep the stuff for Spencer's meal.

"Took you long enough. Next time you two decide to get some afternoon delight can you let us know so we can show up a little late instead of stand on the porch and melt." Hanna walks past and flops down on the couch as she puts the wine on the table. Aria shakes her head greets Em with a hug, then hugs me before putting the cupcakes down and asking it I need help. Spencer rolled her eyes at Hanna's typical smart assness, and closes the door.

"Excuse her. Ya know what there is no excuse!" We all laugh.

"We were in the bedroom so we didn't hear the door." I look up to catch everyone's reaction. Before Hanna could say anything Spencer threw a pillow from the couch at her.

"Yeah I got off work early and decided to start setting up the baby's room. I finished the crib." Emily said triumphantly. Everyone chimed in excitedly wanting to see, so we collectively went to look at it. Everyone loved it. We go back in to finish making dinner and enjoying our night. We end up back in the baby's room after the amazing dinner Spence made and everyone cleaned the kitchen. I'm sitting in the rocking chair with a cupcake and a cup of milk, everyone else has a cup of wine. Aria and Han are putting together the changing table, while Spence and Em are deciding where everything should go. I look around at these women who I've known since we were girls and I'm happy.

"I love you guys." I said honestly not meaning to but meaning it nonetheless. Everyone pauses then breaks out into giggles.

"Must be the hormones!" Spencer chuckled out.

"Yeah, I mean Ali is sweet way sweeter than she used to be but that was all baby!" Hanna chimed in.

"We love you too Ali. Be sappy if you wanna be. Absolutely nothing wrong with that." Aria always stands up for me, she's still so small but so big. Emily flashes me the signature Emily Field's smile and walks over to hold my hand.

"We love you too." She looked around at the girls. "Who would've thought we'd be here? Look at us." Everyone giggled again.

"Well she's not the pregnant one so someone take that glass of wine away from Em" Hanna says jokingly.

"Right? Ali and Emily mommy's to be, Aria married and a best sleeping author, Hanna an amazing upcoming fashionista, and me… brilliant with no direction in life." We all laugh a Spencer's comments. But honestly who would've thought we'd be here.

"Okay so I was thinking. Han you can help with the décor of the room, Spencer I want your help on books everything from how to, first time moms, and books to read the baby. Aria I want your help painting and I'm thinking about a quote from one of my favorite books on that wall. I mean you all are family, and I'd love for each of you to be here every step of the way." Emily squeezed my hand, and I saw the others get a little emotional.

"I totally agree. Our baby is gonna be so lucky. So many aunts and uncles! You guys have always been my family, like the sisters I never had. Imagine our kids having instant best friends because we're all still close." Emily finished off her wine.

"I totally see it now. All the lies, backstabbing, sleeping around, and drama. I can't wait!" Spencer said drily as she poured another glass of wine for herself and Emily.

"Ya know just because that was our experience doesn't mean it has to be our kids. They can be normal we just have to find a way to move forward ourselves." Aria always the optimist. I shake my head in agreement.

"Well I have faith in us as parents. I for one think we will all be amazing moms!" Hanna says finishing up the last sip of her wine. And I think we all silently agree. The night goes on, and we finish setting up as much as the room as we can. Three bottles of wine later and all the girls are pretty tipsy. Spencer decides to walk home since it's so close while Aria and Hanna fight over the couch knowing they both can comfortably fit on it. I grab blankets and pillows for them and say goodnight. I walk into my room where I go take a shower and Emily is already down the hall taking a shower. I stay in the shower until the water gets cold. One because it's so relaxing and soothing. Two because I don't want to face Em. A drunk Em can go two ways, she's handsy and I don't have the willpower to say no. Or she's sad because of Paige and she'll be to herself and quiet. I get out dry myself off and walk into the room where she is already sitting on the bed. She's wearing a pair of short shorts and a shirt, hair still a little wet. I grab something to wear to bed and throw it on. My back turned towards her not noticing she was watching me until I turn around. I blush and walk over to the bed and get in. Em always sleeps on the right side, and I've become used to sleeping on the left even if she's not here. I get in bed but don't turn off the light on the table. I grab my book and settle in to read it. She lays down and gets comfortable. She just stares at me. "Ali?" there's hint of a question in the way she says my name. I close my book and look at her. She looks at me for far too long and I being to panic. "Do you mind if we cuddle, I'm tired and can't really sleep." I put the book on the table and turn off the light. I lay down and wait to feel Emily's body against mine. She tells me to come here so I end up with my head on her chest, arm around her, and our legs intertwined. She's playing in my hair and I feel so relaxed I don't even notice falling asleep. I wake up to voices in the living room and Emily wide awake but still cuddling me.

"You could've woke me up you know?" I said as I rolled over to my side of the bed.

"You looked so peaceful and I would've woke you up when breakfast was done." She says as she gets out of bed and heads to the bathroom. I smell bacon! I get up to go into the living room and Hanna and Aria are cooking.

"Good morning sleeping beauty. We talked to baby mama while you were drooling, adorably might I add, and she said that you love waffles, so we decided why not make you guys breakfast." Hanna said with a wide smile as she finished the bacon. Aria was watching the waffles while cutting up fresh fruit. There's a knock at the door and Em walks past me and answers the door.

"I come bearing gifts. Mimosas for us, and for you this really awesome smoothie that has all kinds of pregnancy goodness in it. Vitamins, and fruit, and veggies." Spencer walks past me handing me my drink and grabbing glasses for everyone else's drinks. Em gets a glass of water and hands me my prenatal vitamins. Hanna and Aria smile at each other at the sight.

"So what's up with the lovebirds? Have they admitted their undying love for one another yet?" Spencer asks Hanna and Aria quietly as they look at us only a few steps away.

"We can hear you!" Emily said and everyone turned to look at us.

"No they haven't and it's obvious that they just went to sleep last night because Miss Grumpy Pants wouldn't be so snappy if she would've got laid." Hanna said grabbing her glass and rolling her eyes.

"We can STILL hear you!" Emily snapped back. I grab her face and turn it to me to kiss her lightly on the cheek.

"Calm down Killer and help me set up the table for breakfast." I whispered to her and no one else heard it. She complied and everyone watched us as they talked to themselves about other things. We all talked during breakfast before everyone except from Emily went about their day. I feel a little sick so I sit on the couch while Emily sits beside me talking to her mom who she finally told about the baby and the circumstances. Pam and I always got along but now that she knows I'm carrying her daughter's child she is definitely more accepting and she even sends me things for myself and the baby. I watch her sit quietly beside me until it's all too much. "What's on that beautiful mind of yours?" I ask as I move her hair behind her ear.

"If the baby is a boy, can we name him after my dad?" Emily said in a somber tone. I put my hand in hers and squeeze.

"I couldn't think of a better name for a son. Either way our child will know that his grandfather was an amazing man, a hero." I said proudly as Emily sneezed my hand back.

"Well what about girl names?" She asked as she got comfortable. I just smile before I begin to think.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

It's been a busy week. The last day of classes before summer break, the farewell party for Hanna and Caleb, and a doctor's appointment the first actual one with Emily. I didn't want any of the girls to feel obligated before to go with me but now I don't have a choice. Emily has practically moved in since everything came out about Lucas. I don't mind, it keeps me from being lonely and most of all it keeps me close to the one person I feel like always has my back. Things have been strangely calm but more than anything I've been happy. Emily and I have become a little family. I cook breakfast, she packs or buys lunch & we have pizza night once a week for dinner because we love pizza. A lot of sitting at the dinner table talking about parenting styles. She goes for her morning runs, I sing in the shower. She likes cool ranch, I like spicy doritos. She listens to rap music, I listen to country. It's different to love someone and live with them. We've known each other since we were teenagers but within those years we've all changed. There were years when I was missing, and afterwards I didn't know how to be myself without fear so I barely let people in. But Em has always been that person who knew me. Who seen the best part of me but loved me even at my worst. Tonight just so happens to be pizza night. I bought Emily her favorite beer, although she is a cocktail girl. We're watching a black and white movie and have a pizza with so many toppings we have to eat it with a fork. I'm grabbing two beer for her and a water for me when there's a knock on the door. Em calls out from the bedroom "Can you get that?" Of course I can but I thought tonight was our night. It's Aria with a huge box.

"Hi. So I was just on my way home and I told Em I'd drop this off." I went to open the box and Aria closed it quickly. "Nope it's for Em's eyes only. For now at least." Emily walks out of the bedroom and greets Aria.

"Thanks Aria." She shoots me a glance but doesn't say anything but I can tell she's hoping I comply with them keeping a secret from me. Aria says her goodbyes, we tell her to tell Ezra hello, and Em and I are left standing by the front door. I cross my arms and before I could even get a comment out she stopped me. "Hey listen Aria and I worked really hard on this and I want you to get it when it's ready. So please don't ruin it for any of us." I can tell she is being sincere so of course I'm fine with it even if I want to know what's the box. She walks the box towards the baby's room and after we settle in to enjoy our night. The pizza is amazing I eat three slices, but I think Emily got full off the beer so she didn't much but she clearly is feeling a buzz. The movie goes off and she turns on some music. Some song by MØ is the first song that comes on. She gets up and begins to dance. She's wearing her usual, short shorts and a Rosewood High t-shirt. I watch her shorts ride up her thighs and I'm a little flustered. She's beautiful. Her skin, her body, her smile, her hair, everything. Emily is perfection. The way she sways. She catches me staring at her and she grabs my hand to help me off the couch.

As soon as I stand the song changes. Tennessee Whiskey by Chris Stapleton comes on. I didn't expect this to be in her music. But I also remember being on her front porch and us dancing to this song one summer night. I'm brought back from my thoughts by a hands on the small of my back and arms around me. "May I have this dance?" Emily asked tipsily.

"You're supposed to ask before you start dancing" I giggle and put my head against her shoulder. "Yes. I'll always dance with you." I said snuggling into her. She rubs up my back and I feel so loved and safe in those moments. After her dad died Emily most definitely began to drink more. Alcohol had always been her escape, and women. I made her promise me she wouldn't drink her problems away and instead of drowning her sorrows in brown liquor and waking up in some girl's bed that she'd call me whenever she felt like that. And she did. When I told her I was dating Archer after we had grew close again it just pushed her away again. I seen pics of her and Caleb in Italy after her break up with Paige and his with Hanna, she taught him how to surf on their brocation. She had some one night stands, and she became a bartender when she went back to California. Which was so out of her character. But she never showed her emotions. She was just tired of me playing with her feelings. And that's why we are here. She's always put me first, and I've always been too much of a coward to do the same. I can't keep blaming who I was on why I won't try with Em. At this point it's just my insecurities. I break from my thoughts and stop dancing. She looks at me. It's now or never I tell myself. I lean in and kiss her and she doesn't stop me. I taste the beer on her lips. I feel her hands begin to roam my body. Paige is gone. AD is gone. My past is gone. Here we are two women who stood by one another no matter what. Two mothers who would raise a beautiful child together. Two star crossed lovers finally finding their way home.

We barely tear away from each other long enough to make it to the bed. I'm nervous, she isn't she's done this over and over again. I've only shared myself twice with people I loved. One turned out to be a complete fake, and so was our love. Then there was Emily. The first time we had sex we were young, and we couldn't get a grip on our emotions. But every ounce of nervousness I had then was erased by how tender she was, how caring. I realize I'm lost in my thoughts and she is lost in passion. She's tugging at my shirt. I let off the bed to allow her to take my shirt off. Her kisses full of hunger. She continues to take my clothes and I take off hers. I stop kissing her long enough for her to realize something is wrong. "Ali, we can stop if you'd like I mean… if you don't want to…" I cut her off.

"Of course I want to. I just…" I freeze.

"Hey, it'okay." She said moves my hair behind my ear, and pecks me on the lips.

"I love you. I'm in love with you and I have been so afraid to tell you. And the instead of saying it to you I just kept pushing you away. But you kept pulling me back in. And I wanted you to. I wanted you to kiss me and tell me that you love me more than anything on this earth and I could tell you too. But then you and Paige happened and I just gave up. I've always loved you, I just didn't know what it was. You always protect me, you care for me, you feed me, you save me. No one else has ever really loved me. My family, my lovers, sometime I even questioned the others. But I never bad to question you. I wanted you to tell me you loved me first so I could be sure you felt the same before I told you. But then I realized you deserved me saying it first. You deserve me tell you I'm sorry for making you think that what we had wasn't special. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you weren't enough. I'm I was afraid. And sorry if you ever thought I didn't love you."

"I love you too." She said with a smile on her face and a tear rolling down her cheek. I wiped away her tear and kisses her slowly. This is what happiness feels like.


End file.
